Don’t half-ass anything. Whole ass one thing!

If you know me by now you’d know I shoot from the hip. I don’t sugar coat anything and neither does life. With that said, take the following premise at face value, which is the basis for the words you’re about to read:

“The moment you’re willing to ‘part-time’ something, you’re telling your brain that you’re alright with ‘half-assing’ anything.”

In layman’s terms, when you don’t put in one hundred percent of yourself into every activity you partake in, you set the bar for what could be the outcome of every single decision you make for the rest of your life. We’re creatures of habit, most of which are hard to break once they’re set in motion. The moment you decide you’re fine with ‘good enough’, you set a standard for yourself that can be easily attainable; this could be a double-edged sword. Quite frankly, we end up hurting ourselves more often than not. Doing so immediately creates a pattern, one we become comfortable following. Once established, it can take months (even years) before you realize that the roads less traveled often lead to better destinations. There’s a great quote by John D. Rockefeller I’ve grown to love:

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good and go for the great.”

As you become comfortable with mediocrity, you unconsciously leave a lot on the table in the form of untapped potential. Next thing you know that untapped potential becomes regret in the form of “what if” and, trust me: you don’t want to live your life with that burden in the back of your head. It’s a cut-throat world we live in, one ruled by the infamous “what have you done for me lately?” mentality. This means that if you’re caught giving fifty percent of yourself, odds are you’re going to get noticed for all the wrong reasons. Whether it’s not reinvesting in your business or neglecting your personal relationships, your days are numbered if everything you do is average.

In case you’re wondering if you did everything in your power to be successful, ask yourself these three questions:

1) Am I mentally, physically and emotionally drained?

2) Can the work I’ve just put in be called satisfactory?

3) Did my actions meet my own expectations?

Make sure all three are answered with a resounding yes.

Francisco Alvarez is an ICF Certified Life Coach specializing in business, celebrities and relationships.

Like him on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoachFranciscoAlvarez

Follow him on Twitter: @beingrelentless

Find him on Instagram: @franciscoalvarez1

Why You Should Stay Away From Perfection

Before you start reading, take a second to analyze the word ‘perfection’. What is your idea of perfection? What does it symbolize? How do you visualize yourself living a perfect life? Seriously, take a few minutes and think things through. Whenever you’re ready, continue.

Ok, now that you’ve imagined your version of a utopia, I highly encourage you to stay away from it. You’re probably thinking: “Is this guy for real? Why wouldn’t I want my life to be perfect?”

Let me clarify: I want you to live a fulfilling life; I really do. I don’t, however, want you to believe that anything in your life has an end. Allow me to explain.

For a large majority of us, we were raised to believe that we should always do things the right way, work hard at all our crafts and pursue the highest echelons of our respective passions. That’s great advice by any standards. That’s the same thinking that has given us great leaders like the Gates, Bransons, Robbins and Winfreys of the world. But what do these four figures have in common? They get ticketed in the highway of life for running the proverbial stop sign over and over again. Money well spent if you ask them.

Think of perfection as a dead end street. I highly encourage you to pull a u-turn and head in the other direction. The moment we achieve our definition of perfection, as human beings we feel a sense of satisfaction. Let’s face it: the feeling is unbelievable. All your immediate dedication has paid off in a big way. Here’s the thing though: from a psychological standpoint, we are wired so that the satisfaction we feel takes an unconscious twist into the realm of complacency. We let down our guard and all of a sudden become sedentary. In order to prevent that downgrade in thought, we must instead think that perfection is an infinite road that gradually shapes our progress. Every mile traveled should represent a goal. I’m no tyrant, I know we get tired and run of out gas but the great leaders always fuel up and keep going.

In his book “Winning Ugly”, former Andre Agassi coach Brad Gilbert tells a short story in which he defines perfection as a “myth.” He explains a bit more in detail that “when you chase perfection, you are chasing something that doesn’t exist.” I happen to agree to a certain degree. It might exist to most but you should develop an allergy to it if you want to truly develop yourself in every facet of your life. Gilbert adds: “Since you’re chasing something non-existent, you fall inevitably short of your goal which leads to disappointment.” That seems like a very reasonable way to see things; I mean, you can’t really expect to ride a unicorn over a rainbow.

I’m a big believer that as human beings we must remain in a state of evolution so that we can keep pace with the constant of change. The key to our personal progress is to always think that things can be better, that they can improve. Rid yourself of stagnant behavior, the kind that does not allow you to become the best version of yourself. It’s a trap! Lexus shares my sentiment in their slogan: “the relentless pursuit of perfection™.” The words incessant and persistence come to mind once I hear that and that’s exactly the attitude that I would love for you to adopt moving forward.

“Stay hungry, stay foolish.” -Steve Jobs

Chasing perfection.

Singlehoodvilleburgh, USA is a town we’ve all lived in from time to time. I, for one, happen to be the incumbent mayor with a very good chance of re-election. Although its population has never been determined, rumors say it is home to more than seventy-five percent of the world’s citizens. Some play their cards right and leave forever while most people regretfully move back in disappointment. If you sold your house here and found true happiness along with another passionate individual, allow me to be the one of many to congratulate you and wish you nothing but continued success. If you haven’t, don’t worry.

What I’m about to tell you will surely minimize the constant frustration that comes with the territory and, in return, maximize your chances of finding a suitable mate.

I’m a believer in tough love and anyone that knows me well enough will have no problem telling you that I shoot straight from the hip. I’ll admit it has gotten me in trouble plenty of times but honesty is still the best policy. For that reason, I am going to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Brace yourself: the reason why you haven’t been able to find “the one” is because they don’t exist.

If you think about it, it’s a load off your shoulders considering it’s something beyond your control. It might seem harsh to hear those words especially if you have high hopes of finding true love but there’s a good explanation for my blunt approach. Please allow me to explain my brash motto.

When we utter the words “the one”, we can’t help but to picture a flawless utopia in our heads. That phrase is all it takes to align the stars in our hearts while picturing a carefree life next to a knight in shining armor and/or Mrs. Right. In his book “Winning Ugly”, former tennis pro and coach Brad Gilbert explains that “when we chase perfection, we’re chasing a myth.” As a result, we’re constantly swimming in a sea of disappointment with each failed relationship as one huge tidal wave after the other. Face of the matter is you have a better chance of winning the lottery three times in a row. As a hopeless romantic myself, I know what it’s like to aim for the sky and come up empty-handed time after time. I’ve been there. Like you, I know what heartbreak feels like and yes, I too pop in a chick flick, slip into a Onesie and grab a pint of ice cream.

Wait, WHAT?!

Listen, as a certified life coach I’ve been trained to get to the root of all problems in order to find solutions so I’m going to apply that skill here. The base of the word relationship is relate and, in this day and age, we’re losing that very important skill as time goes by. Fewer people are willing to relate to their partners in ways only they can because they become emotionally lazy. When I say relate, I mean being able to know their likes, dislikes, wants, needs and everything in between. If you want to be part of a successful relationship, you must be willing and able to invest the effort required to make it work regardless of any obstacle that stands in your way.

Contrary to belief, relationships are not 50/50: they’re 100/100. The inability to provide your partner with those essential traits will set yourself up for failure even before taking life’s journey together. You wouldn’t board the Titanic knowing what you know now, would you? Neither would I. Here’s my advice: stop sulking in a corner and tormenting yourself with the expectation of finding love if you’re not going to make the necessary changes in your life. With that said, it’s time to turn that frown upside down.

Now that I’ve given you the bad news in a nutshell, here’s the good news: through hard work and dedication, you can create your soul mate. Those words have been thrown around everywhere from sappy romantic novels all the way to Hollywood. It’s all fun and games until you realize what it takes for love to truly blossom. Even Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams’ characters in “The Notebook” wanted to kill each other from time to time but it was their relentless love for one another that made their bonds stronger. Chances are you’ve actually come across someone in your life who could have made you happy. If you stop and apply my theory, odds are you didn’t even notice because the work ethic just wasn’t there.

Dating and falling in love is the equivalent of planting a seed. At first you won’t see much progress, just the desire to bloom. Once that flower starts to emerge, it will require attention, effort, and monitoring so that it has the best chance to prosper.

I lied: soul mates DO exist. There IS such a thing as “the one”: you just have to find out which one is the one for YOU!

What a great slogan can do for your business and how Tony Robbins inspired mine.

It’s Friday night. I glance at the clock and I realize it’s close to 11 p.m. I’m not out partying; I’m at home putting the finishing touches on my Forbes application to become a contributor. You can’t blame a guy for trying when Twitter informs you that Forbes is “now following you.” Remarkably so, I’m still not tired so I close my MacBook and turn on my TV, something I hadn’t done in weeks; I don’t believe in “down” time but something told me to fall asleep to the tube (that wouldn’t happen but at this point but I didn’t know that). As I flip through the channels to find something remotely interesting, I come across a commercial for BMW. I don’t live under a rock so I know they have a share of the motorcycle market. What caught my attention, however, is their new slogan: “feed the restless”; it’s fresh and applied to me at that very moment. It was as if they knew I was having a hard time sleeping.

After having my mind blown, I reopen my laptop and hop on their website. Needless to say, I browse around the motorcycle section and, before I know it, it’s midnight. What the heck just happened?! Could a guy who doesn’t even have an endorsement for bikes on his license be strongly considering getting a hog? I ask myself: “How in the world did BMW take me from point A to point B?”. Simply put: they addressed the very essence of what makes me a human being. Truth be told, I’m a pretty emotional guy and have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve. Their slogan sparked an interest which eventually leads to curiosity, one that needs to be satiated in potential customers (myself included). Grabbing a potential client’s attention is half the battle. As a business, you have to ask yourself: “Now that I have it, what am I going to do with it? Am I going to squander it or am I going to close?”. If a business wants to get to the money, it HAS to go through the people; one eventually leads to the other.

The reason BMW attained my attention so easily is because they struck a nerve, they pressed my buttons. It felt as if they were giving my brain a Swedish massage. What exactly am I referring to? Feelings and emotions, two things that I believe make up the ground floor of all relationships, especially in business. “Feed the restless” stirred up a sea of sentiments that was brewing inside of me; I just needed a visual representation of what they were trying to portray and what better way to do that than to have me ride off into the sunset on one of their “ultimate driving machines?”. I’m an entrepreneur so YES: I AM restless. I listened because they hit home. Ever since the crew over at Apple came out with their slogan “think different”, you’ve been seeing a new trend in marketing and advertising. Slogans these days take aim at making patrons, subscribers and shoppers reflect and get inspired at the same time. They make people wonder why they’re not a part of the bigger picture, of something “cool” (think Ashton Kutcher in “Jobs”). What Apple does better than anyone else is make you believe you need an iPhone like a fish needs water; they’re just really good at not making it obvious. I used to be a PC and avid Android user myself until I crossed over to the fruit of creation. I did this because I felt welcomed, I felt like I belonged. I didn’t think it, I felt it. Apple appealed to my feelings and that’s why they are receiving my business. There’s a reason videos go viral on social media: they touch individuals. A good slogan will do that. It’s just good business. The BEST businesses, however, will learn to address that each and every single time and tip the scales in their favor using the very fiber of our existence to their advantage. It’s borderline emotional exploitation but hey: we can’t fight what comes naturally. Human emotions are the reason behind everything!

Here now are some of my personal favorite slogans:

1) Hennessy – “Never stop, never settle. What’s YOUR wild rabbit”?

This appeals to the entrepreneur in me. It instills a sense of hunger for life as well as an allergy to being average and complacent. It’s basically telling me that the key to progress and getting what you want out of life is to remain in the hunt for your passion, your “wild rabbit”. When you settle, you become a thief by robbing yourself of your potential. Be satisfied with being unsatisfied.

2) Jim Beam – “Bold choices take you where you’re supposed to be”.

You’re probably thinking I’m an alcoholic but I don’t even drink; this is just a happy coincidence. I thought of this because of the Willem Dafoe commercial I saw last year; it still gives me the chills. Jim Beam addressed the risk takers, the people who are willing to put it all on the line for their dreams. An entrepreneur does this often; businesses do it on a daily basis. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. Moreover, you do not want to live with your life with a big “what if?”.

3) Adidas – “Impossible is nothing”.

This one is a twist on the classic Audrey Hepburn quote, among many others. Granted, you can’t walk through a brick wall; we all know that. The mission here is to make us believe that, at least in sports, anything can be achieved through hard work and dedication, something I hold to be true. If I walk into a store thinking three stripes on my shoes are going to help me attain my goals then, hey: well played.

My personal story started as a result of adversity. In 2009, I was diagnosed with a neurological condition that resulted in paralysis. Four years later, I’m finally into remission. The reason why I bring this up is because, as you can imagine, my life had hit rock bottom. It wasn’t until I YouTubed the words “inspiration” and “motivation” that I came to know of the great Tony Robbins. Ever since then, I began following him on a consistent basis and his mere presence on the Internet was enough for me to find myself and become a life coach as well. From the moment you’re born, you’re a statistic of some sort; I get that but I refused to live my life as one. I tweeted the words “let the world know you exist, give it something to remember you by” and tagged Tony in the tweet. Twenty four hours later, he retweeted it and the entrepreneur in me was born. Like a lot of them out there, I have Legal Zoom on speed dial and took care of business (no pun intended) by applying for a trademark. That was my calling; I knew what I had to do with my life. Who would’ve thought that a catch phrase in a tweet would be the snowball that is slowly and steadily transforming into an avalanche? I’m now a speaker and an ICF certified life coach specializing in business, relationships and how they’re inevitably intertwined. In addition, I’ve started work on my first book and I owe it all to a slogan!

So how are YOU going to let the world know you exist? Go ahead, take your best shot. Let’s hear it…

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoachFranciscoAlvarez

Twitter: @beingrelentless

Instagram: @franciscoalvarez1

A blessing in disguise

“With the first pick of the 2014 NFL Draft…”

“After careful consideration, we’ve decided to go with…”

“I’m sorry but I met someone else…”

There are many ways to say “not you”. I can think of much more but let’s just leave it at that; I wouldn’t want to pour any more salt on your wounds. If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve probably heard a variation of one of these phrases previously in your life. I can’t imagine you’ve felt great after doing so which is why I’m here to not only empathize with you but also to explain why you’ve been experiencing anger, disappointment, self-doubt and confusion.

Let’s not cover the sky with our hand here: the most important reason why you’re feeling all these emotions is because, at that moment in time, you thought you were the right choice for whatever title you were seeking. If you’re Johnny Manziel or Jadeveon Clowney and the Houston Texans didn’t pick you number one overall, you’re going to do everything within your power to make them regret it. When you get a second interview for a job only to have the governing body inform you that they’re hiring someone else, you’re going to do everything in your power to make them regret it. When you’ve been dating someone for a brief period of time and they decide to go in another direction, yes: you’re going to do everything within your power to make them regret it. You’re starting to see a pattern here, aren’t you? Of course you are and guess what? It’s perfectly normal. That’s how we work. We’re genetically wired to react in a way that elevates our mindset when our feelings have been hurt.

But why does it hurt SO MUCH?

In one word: rejection. You’re not wanted. You’re made to feel as if you’re not deserving of the spot that you desired. More importantly, deep down in our heart we believe that we were the best option available. Above all, that’s what leads to confusion: if you were the missing piece of the puzzle, why would someone want to complete it by forcing it with someone else?

This triggers self-doubt. Next thing you know, you’re asking yourself questions like: “Was it something I did/said?”, “Am I good enough?”, etc. Your self-esteem might suffer as a result of these deprecating interrogations; it’s imperative that we never take rejection too seriously. Chances are we just weren’t the right fit at the moment. Something better is in store for you. Don’t doubt yourself for a second. You didn’t get it? So what? Move on. It’s just not your time. You’re meant for bigger and better things.

Yes, you’re going to be disappointed; that’s a given. It’s completely understandable. For a second there, you thought that everything you were working for was going to pay off and, instead, life slaps you in the face. Hard work isn’t always going to pay off but it’s never going to be in vain; you’re always going to learn something from it. If you don’t, then that’s entirely on you. Those emotions you’re feeling, however, are something that aren’t easily forgotten; take it from me, a guy who has seen a lot of ups and downs. Whenever I feel disappointment, I make sure I store it in a secret vault that I only open whenever I see something huge on the horizon, something that I know can change my life forever. When I put my eyes on the prize, I remember how disappointing my last venture is and I tell myself: “Do everything in your power to never feel that way again.” More often than not, I don’t. Why? Because I learned from adversity in order to establish a better future for myself. That’s the only way to live: get better.

-FA

“Like” me on Facebook: Facebook.com/CoachFranciscoAlvarez

Follow me on Twitter: @beingrelentless

Find me on Instagram: @franciscoalvarez1

Mi Lunes es tu Viernes

Si estas leyendo esto quiere decir que sobreviviste el Lunes. Te felicito. Me encantaría darte un abrazo pero lamentablemente no estamos cerca así que espero que las siguientes palabras sean suficientes. 

Estoy de camino al gimnasio esta mañana cuando me pasó por la mente un pensamiento que quizás suene acaparador pero es verdad: a mi me gustan las cosas a mi manera. No es que sea un egoísta pero yo encuentro que la felicidad esta a mi lado con mucha mas frecuencia cuando las cosas fluyen a mi favor; en otras palabras, yo sonrío cuando todo me sale bien. Estarías mintiendo si me dices lo contrario. Es innato. El ser humano por naturaleza tiende a ser una criatura cuyo instinto es halar para su lado. Que quede claro: podemos aprender el arte del compromiso pero no nacemos con él. Eso se adquiere con el tiempo como muchas otras destrezas en la vida. Con eso dicho, yo llegué a mi propia conclusion sobre la razón por la cual yo, al igual que muchos de ustedes, pienso de esa manera. Antes de ser padre, hija, mujer u hombre, tu tienes un título mucho más importante que todos los demás: eres un individuo. 

Hoy dia existen mil y una maneras de explotar ese individualismo del ser humano. Compañías tales como Apple saben que para los gustos están los colores, literalmente. Es esa la razón por la cual sacaron al mercado su famoso producto iPhone de diferentes colores esta pasada campaña. ¿Y que pasó? Caí en la trampa. Tengo el 5c en azul. Otro ejemplo perfecto seria el sinnúmero de entidades que se dedican a personalizar la ropa, los bolígrafos y cualquier otro artefacto que pueda individualizarse de alguna manera. La gente invierte millones de dolares al año para diferenciarse de los demás. Estás empezando a ver un patrón, ¿no?

Si yo te diría que puedes hacer eso mismo con el producto más increíble en el mundo, ¿lo harías? Espero que si. ¿Y como se llama ese famoso producto? Tu vida.

Me explico. 

Al igual que tu nevera, tu abres tu página de Facebook cada veinte minutos (y cuidado). ¿Sabes por qué esa red social es tan exitosa? Se debe a que la meta de ellos es proveerte con lo más cercano a un periódico privado. Ahi puedes encontrar todo lo que te importa: tu familia y amistades, todo relacionado a tu trabajo, tus intereses y muchas otras cosas que te llaman la atención. Pregunta que te hago: ¿qué sucedería si tu aplicas el mismo concepto de personalización a tu vida real? ¡Suena bien ya!

Vamos a empezar por tu trabajo. La mayoría de ustedes tienen lo que se llama un “nueve a cinco”. Su semana comienza los Lunes e impacientemente termina los Viernes en la tarde ¿Por qué lo se? Se debe a que mi “news feed” en Facebook está repleto con actualidades como: “¡Ay, necesito café ya!” o “Loco(a) que sea Viernes!”. Eso me conlleva a pensar de que no eres feliz con algo que toma mucho tiempo de tu vida. Si te pones a pensar, te levantas todas las semanas para estar frustrado(a) en promedio unas cuarenta horas a la semana. Hay un refrán que dice: “si amas lo que haces, no tendrás que trabajar un día en tu vida.” Si tienes que tomar medidas drásticas como renunciar a tu empleo o reinventar tu carrera, hazlo. Ese riesgo se vera diminuto cuando te encuentres nuevamente, esta vez con éxito.

Otro aspecto importante en tu vida son los otros individuos que decides incluir en tu círculo. Se dice que te conviertes como las cinco personas con quien más te relacionas. Si partimos de esa premisa, debemos escoger cuidadosamente a quien permitimos en nuestras vidas. ¿Tus amistades y colegas te dan energía o te drenan de ella? ¿Te dan aliento inspiracional o te lo quitan? ¿Te proveen apoyo incondicional o desaparecen cuando más los necesitas? Estas son preguntas que me hago todos los días ya que me encuentro en un ambiente en el cual mis alrededores son extremadamente importantes para mi. Te exhorto a que le apliques un filtro a ese círculo para que al final del día sepas quien y quien no estará ahi para ti.

Finalmente llegamos a lo misceláneo. Bajo esta categoría me gusta colocar todas las cosas que contribuyen a mis pasiones. Claro está: soy diferente a ti. Eso quiere decir que lo que me atrae a mi no necesariamente te va a agradar. Aquí tenemos la libertad de escoger sin presión alguna los vacíos que las otras cosas simplemente no pueden rellenar. Para que tengas una mejor perspectiva de lo que hablo, yo me hago una serie de preguntas cuya respuesta me dice todo lo que tengo que saber: ¿me hace mejor persona?, ¿me hace feliz? y/o ¿me hace dinero? Si la respuesta es “no”, yo simplemente no saco tiempo para eso. Utiliza esas preguntas para todo lo que se topa en tu camino y tendrás una vision más clara de que hacer con tu vida. 

-FA

 

Dame “me gusta” en Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/CoachFranciscoAlvarez

Sígueme en Twitter: @beingrelentless

Búscame en Instagram: @franciscoalvarez1

 

 

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The Chivalrous Gentleman

We are a dying breed. It’s only a matter of time until we’re on the cover of National Geographic with a caption that reads: “In danger of extinction.” Because that is what we are to the naked female eye: we’re nothing but animals at first. Now, if that term seems a little rough around the edges, guess what? You’re probably one of the few gentlemen still “roaming” the Earth. They don’t make them like us anymore; if you agree that means you’re one of us. Gentlemen are like a secret society and I use the word secret because it seems as though we don’t even exist. It’s about time we change that. 

“Nice guys finish last” is a phrase I hear more often than I’d like to and, although it has an ironic connotation, it’s maddeningly true in most cases. As an ICF certified life coach, one of my passions is interpersonal relationships namely dating and romance. I myself am a proverbial hopeless romantic who thinks opening a car door and giving flowers will never go out of style; I guess you could stamp an “old school” label on me. That ship hasn’t sailed; contrary to belief chivalry is NOT dead. It died in many men but it still burns in gentlemen. I live life “by the book”. What I mean by that is I don’t deviate much from the success tradition brings to the table without much change. Being a gentleman is a lifestyle, a state of mind. It has carried on for many generations and will prove to be effective years from now because it can stand the test of time. Speaking of which… 

Let me tell you a story I haven’t told anyone aside from my best friend. My life is an open book. I might as well share it with you so that you have a better understanding not only of who I am but how I think. 

The year was 2008. I was living in Broward County at the time working as a bartender at a family restaurant in the greater Pembroke Pines area of South Florida. I was scheduled for the afternoon shift, one that ran until 1 a.m. I was one of two bartenders that night and it is one I’ll remember for the rest of my life. 

The dinner rush was starting to arrive but the bar remained quite inactive. The drink orders were still coming in at a steady pace but nothing out of the ordinary. I was assigned to make them while my fellow bartender took care of the customers sitting at the bar. All of a sudden, I felt time stop. Something happened which compelled me to stop what I was doing and turn around. When I did, I took the first few looks at what I thought had been the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. She was as flawless a woman as I could possibly imagine but what caught my attention were her lips: I could not die without first having kissed them. To my surprise she wasn’t alone. To her left and right sat her parents whom I met that same day. As they say, two birds…

After two of my famous strawberry Margaritas, the approval of her parents and an in-depth conversation, I knew I had to see this girl again. There was absolutely no way I was going to let her walk into my life and right back out again. She struck me as the kind of girl who enjoyed taking things slow so instead of being too forward and asking for her number right in front of her parents, we traded screen names on the popular Sidekick phones back then (to my surprise this would not be the case but let’s not get ahead of ourselves). Just twenty four hours later, we were chatting it up. 

Among the things I found out about this girl were that we shared ethnic backgrounds, she was a year younger than I was, had an older sister, earned a living as a flight attendant and was out of town usually five days out of the week. Still, that didn’t stop me from wanting to be together. We would constantly inbox each other on MySpace, trade texts and phone calls and make every attempt to see each other whenever she was in town. I’ll admit I was head over heels which is something I hadn’t felt for a long time, not since my last serious relationship. I had played my cards right every chance I had gotten because I saw something special in this girl the likes of which I could see myself with for a very long time. Needless to say I was a gentleman every step of the way and, unlike most girls I had previously met, she saw that in me. I considered myself lucky to have met such a wonderful woman.

A few weeks after having met, we grabbed a late cup of coffee not too far from where she lived at the time. She was telling me about how she would rather skip sleep and pack in order to take the early bird flight out the very next morning. That night’s conversation was all about our favorite things such as food & music as well as the past and how it has led to us meeting for the first time. An hour or two later, I’m walking her to the car when she begins to play with her keys a little too much. Body language is important and it was telling me that she wanted one thing and one thing only: to be kissed for the first time. Without hesitation, I leaned in and received one of the most memorable first kisses to date; we both smiled and proceeded to kiss some more. After parting ways, a light bulb went off in my head on the drive home. I was going to see her one last time before her flight.

As I got home around 11 p.m., I set my alarm for 3 a.m. so that I would give myself enough time to throw on a t-shirt, shorts, flip-flops and drive myself to the airport before she got there. That’s exactly what I did. Driving close to eighty miles an hour got me there quickly in order to grab a sourdough bagel with cream cheese and some hot chocolate, things she confessed to liking the night before. As I made my way to her gate, I hid amongst the passengers so that my cover wouldn’t be blown. A few impatient minutes later, I see her strolling down through the terminal getting closer and closer. I wait for the perfect time to rise from my feet and walk right into her path. Upon seeing me, her jaw drops along with the luggage that was in her hand. She had no choice but to jump right into my arms and kiss me yet again. It felt truly amazing. She told me it was the most incredible thing anyone had ever done for her; she even called her Mom on the spot to tell her about my escapade. Gratifying doesn’t even begin to describe it. Now that I think about it, it sounds like something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. To this day I have no regrets. 

A few months had come and gone and our affection was reaching new heights. Truth be told it had crossed my mind some time earlier but I never brought it up much less acted upon it knowing how much it can alter a successful relationship. One night we’re having a night in cooking dinner together and watching some television at home. We shut things off and begin talking in bed. One thing led to another and things become heated. Judging by how quickly our clothes came off, it’s safe to say we were ready to be intimate. Here I was having the most adult phrases whispered in my ear by the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen and out of nowhere, I stopped myself right in my tracks. I couldn’t believe it but my conscience started kicking in at the most inopportune time. The look on her face was a mix of instant insecurity and confusion; I bet mine mirrored hers. I had to explain myself and, in the heat of the moment, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 

Granted, this took place more than seven years ago so I don’t really recall the exact words I used. I do, however, remember the emotions that were going through my head. That last sentence is proof that my mind and my heart go toe-to-toe with each other when it comes to my emotions. Nine guys out of ten wouldn’t have thought twice about sleeping with that girl that night; I was the lone guy. I told her that I had never experienced this level of affection towards anyone and that I was skeptical of acting on impulse. A few moments later, she understood where I was coming from, asked me to cuddle and fell asleep on my chest. The sound of her breathing brought me peace in knowing that I had made the right decision however silly it may look in anyone else’s view. I was happy and that’s all that mattered. I knew it was only a matter of time until we demonstrated how much we meant to each other; that moment came (beautifully, I might add) and we kept dating for quite some time. 

As the old adage goes, all good things must come to an end. We came to the conclusion that the distance and time apart (among other things) was just too much for our emotions to handle so we chose to part ways amicably. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t devastated; I was unequivocally in love with this woman. I wish it had worked out because I would’ve definitely seen myself with her for a very long time. Life obviously had other plans for me but I will always look back at the moments I had with her with fond memories and have no choice but to smile. She is now a mother to a son and happily married. I wish her nothing but the best. 

Why exactly did I bring forth this story? 

The reason I shared it is because at the end of the day, I have nothing to show for the hard work and dedication I put into the relationship. This brings me back to the frustration that haunts gentlemen everywhere. We literally embody every single characteristic that women these days appear to want all over social media yet we get skipped for what seems to be a lower standard of men. Logic dictates that when you are the best option in a pool of choices and you’re not chosen, it leaves room for endless questioning. Next thing you know you’re doubting your self-worth which may lead to lowering said standards and taking your frustrations out elsewhere, perhaps with a less suited partner than you’re used to dating. 

This brings me back to the phrase “nice guys finish last”. Yes, gentlemen are by most standards “nice” people. If you like to be shown love, thought of constantly and prioritized above everything else then I’ve got some news for you: you like “nice” guys. To your advantage, there are guys out there (although rare) willing to give you all of these things but most women these days have a veil over their heads in the form of men who like to “live on the edge” and seem to stand out for all the wrong reasons. If what we see on Facebook, Twitter and even real life conversations about marriage and the long haul is true, then why are gentlemen all over the world getting left behind? Although that might appear to be an interrogative, it’s more of a fact. The truth of the matter is most gentlemen these days are single, myself included. Scary, isn’t it? 

If you’re a woman reading this, chances are you’ve had your share of relationships. Some of those might have been successful and others I’m sure were a complete disaster; been there, done that. Now think about this for a second: how many men have suffered the consequences of being the guy that follows the man who completely destroyed your hopes of finding Mr. Right? Odds are the average woman has had at least three gentlemen slip right through her fingers because Mr. Right Now cheated or simply didn’t have his heart in the right place. It’s called generalizing and it hurts the “nice” guy. Generalizing can spread like a virus and it will undoubtedly infect the majority of men, leaving us gentlemen in the dark. What is really happening is that the guys who have done little to no wrong will now be stifled with the “guilty until proven innocent” stigma because so many others have had no clue about how to properly court and love a woman. 

Let’s be honest and not kid ourselves, most of us (regardless of gender) have a hard time seeing something good come our way even if it slapped us across the face. I come out in defense of the gentleman because it is the men who have a harder time shedding predisposition about who we are even before we get a chance to reveal our true self. I reiterate: we are a dying breed. It’s getting harder and harder to rid ourselves of the camouflage that our clueless peers are unconsciously draping over the rest of us. So through these words I reach out to women all over the globe with hopes of finding a good man. I encourage you not to give up on your personal journey to finding happiness. 

As for my fellow gentlemen, nice guys will never finish last. They will always get the girl. The right girl. 

-FA

 

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5 Things Entrepreneurs Can Learn From Athletes

Not too long ago I graduated college with a degree in International Business. Ok, who am I kidding? It’s already been almost 8 years now. A lot has changed since then but I’d like to take a second to talk to you about what my life was like immediately after graduating.

I attended a private college in the greater South Florida area on a tennis scholarship. I was highly recruited coming out of high school and ended up being nationally ranked. Once my eligibility was over, I began signing up for local tournaments because my original intentions were to play professionally. After some moderate success, life threw me an unexpected curveball: I was diagnosed with a neurological illness that has kept me from playing the game that I love. Notwithstanding, I learned a lot about myself not only as an athlete but as the person I’ve ultimately become: an entrepreneur. Although my career was cut incredibly short, my immediate past helped me a great deal in my new endeavors and I now venture more confidently towards new paths and goals.

If the old me would be able to speak with the current version, they would conclude that there are certain things they have in common which would go a long way to achieving success.

1) The Ability to Adapt

When you step foot in a tennis court, there is a 95% chance that you’re playing your opponent for the very first time. As a result, you probably don’t know your counterpart’s style, speed or stamina; these are all characteristics you must find out as you go along. One minute he can be on the baseline grinding out forehands. The next minute he can surprise you by serving and volleying. In business, the ability to adapt to an evolving world is essential. There are emerging markets that make the transition of leading the way and showing the rest of the competition more effective and efficient ways to operate. For example, just when you think you have the greatest cellphone on the market, a competitor comes out with a sleeker, lighter and more capable device. You’re no stranger to this concept; it’s called change. Companies around the world suffer the consequences of not being able to go with the flow and reinvent themselves. If you want to stay afloat in a dog-eat-dog business environment, the ability to adapt must be second nature.

2) Have an Ultimate Goal

I was 14 years old when I defeated my first ranked opponent. Needless to say, I was on cloud nine. It was on that day that I promised myself I would dedicate all of my time to the sport and abandon every other activity that stood in the way of my progress. Eventually, my ultimate goal was born: I wanted to win Wimbledon. It was a bit far-fetched for a kid who had just started playing tennis two years earlier but seeing Roger Federer raise that golden cup year after year was enough motivation. Of course, reality set in and to tell you the truth, I don’t even know the whereabouts of my tennis racquets. In my new lifestyle (I’m also a certified life coach), my ultimate goal is to become the best entrepreneur I can be through my passion for solving everyday problems whether they are on a personal or a professional level. Regardless of what your ultimate goal is, one thing both athletes and entrepreneurs have in common is that they have various goals that precede the ultimate goal; once they reach said goals, they make new ones.

3) Overcome Setbacks

I’ll never forget what a sprained ankle feels like. I was sidelined for almost a month before being able to set foot inside a court again. At seventeen, I was a rarity considering I excluded a lot from my life and not being able to train or play was driving me insane. During this recovery, I found a new passion for writing and started venting my frustrations through the written word. Doing this allowed me to have a plan B, so to speak. The same concept applies during my entrepreneurial ventures. As far as my health is concerned, I can’t do much considering I was paralyzed from the neck down for 3 months. Recovery has been progressive but I’ve had to put my life on hold for quite some time. In doing so, I’ve resorted back to my writing ways and I’m currently working on my first book. If all goes well, I can start calling myself an author; just how great remains to be seen. Entrepreneurship requires you to be a “jack of all trades and a master of none”. One must be knowledgeable in many areas so that your chances of success aren’t limited in any way.

4) Sacrifices Must Be Made

Growing up, my friends were constantly hounding me trying to get me to hang out every weekend. Although tempting, I was forced to tell them that I was busy playing a tennis tournament. High school was an extremely important time for a prospective student-athlete and I wasn’t about to squander my chances of a collegiate degree by partying and “having a good time”. If I had to do it again, I would probably make the same choices I made back then; my life has turned out to be pretty great. Now that I’ve become an entrepreneur, sacrifices take on a whole new meaning for me. They are now my livelihood. If I want to get from point A to point B, sacrifices must be made. 5 a.m wake up times, countless cups of coffee and hours of hard work are the norm these days. Does it bother me? No. Why? Because it doesn’t feel like work. I do what I love and love what I do. I believe I’m changing the world one person at a time and if it means sacrificing my own life to fulfill my purpose then so be it.

5) Trust and Confidence

They’re no stranger to anyone, much less an athlete. They’re a basic necessity. I remember my last collegiate match. We were hosting a university from North Carolina which happened to be visiting for Spring Break. Each school had won 3 matches each which meant my match would decide the outcome that day. I’m in a third set tie-break and my legs start giving up on me; cramps would eventually set in. In what seemed to be a glimpse of fate, I would end up winning that match and give my coach his first winning season since taking over the program. I’ll never forget that day for as long as I live. My team placed their confidence in me and, even if I had lost that match, they trusted that I was the best man for the job. That performance would eventually win me the Golden Bobcat Award, given to the most outstanding student-athlete in the entire institution. As fond a memory as it may be, I have the confidence in knowing that my entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well. I celebrate my individuality knowing that there are things I can bring to the table that no one else can. I was on the verge of applying to law school but I trusted my instincts and realized that I wanted to be my own boss, live by my own rules and lead a life most of us can only read about.

In conclusion, experiences have the power to change your life and ultimately shape you into the person you’re meant to be. Now, I don’t really believe in destiny because I don’t feel comfortable with the notion that I’m not in control of my life. I am, however, ok with the past teaching me a lesson so that I can learn and apply it towards making a better future for myself. Only then will I be able to utter my favorite phrase of all time: “Game, set and match.”

Watch your mouth!

How many times have you been discouraged by your own actions? If the answer is “plenty”, guess what? You’re not alone. As people, we have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time. We plague ourselves with constant negativity when faced with adverse situations. Take the abominable Mondays, for example. When that dreaded day of the week rolls around, we roll our eyes along with it. The first day of the week is nobody’s friend and as soon as we assume this attitude, our entire week starts out on the wrong foot. “Mondays suck”, “Is it Friday yet?” and (my favorite) “I hate my job” are all red flags. These are all the erroneous phrases to utter. They tell me that your head is not in the right place; far from it, to be honest with you.

The message I’m trying to convey is simple: your thoughts become your words. When you vocalize a thought, you’re always listening. It’s the never-ending cycle of information that you’re constantly feeding your brain in which it learns how to operate. Therefore, what you tell it to do over and over again will become the norm. If the phrase “I can’t” is a constant in your vocabulary then there will be plenty of things that you won’t accomplish in your life, let alone try to. The way you treat your ears will say a lot about the type of life you lead. Don’t misguide yourself with nonsense and negativity. It doesn’t need that burden; what it needs is completely the opposite.

Instead of “no”, “can’t” and “won’t”, substitute them for “yes”, “can” and “will”. It’s amazing what we can achieve in our lives if we just adopt the right attitude. You can’t go through life with your head down the entire time and expect great results. That’s why it’s so important to cheer yourself on through the right vocabulary. You are your own cheerleader when nobody is around. Immerse yourself in a sea of positivity every chance you get. When faced with a tall task, believe that nothing is too great for you. Challenge yourself to flip that coin and look at things from a brighter perspective. Not only will your outlook against obstacles change but your general view of the world will be much more productive which will lead to greater results.

In conclusion, gather your thoughts and analyze them before you speak. Think twice about what you’re going to say. The most sensitive ears are your own so watch your mouth!

How much are you worth?

If I were to ask you: “How much do you think you’re worth?”, what would your answer be? Ten thousand dollars? A million? The answer to such question should always be: “I’m priceless”. Nobody can put a price tag on you. Nobody can buy you. If we accept this premise to be true, why then do we lower the standards we have set in order to meet expectations? Why then do we choose to settle for less than we deserve?

The answer to these questions varies depending on who you ask. In my honest opinion, most of them should include references to time, self-esteem and perspective. Of course, situations may vary as they often do therefore I’ll give you a couple of examples in which these come into play.

Time

Time plays a strong role in our development as people. Lost time is never found yet we still waste a lot of it. With time, our backs will be against the wall because we feel like we’ve missed out on a lot and, next thing you know, society is embedding in our heads that it’s time to get married and have kids. I just turned thirty and I don’t feel any pressure whatsoever. All I see around me is my peers tying the knot and becoming parents; I don’t even have a girlfriend! After these very important steps in their lives, they see me still single and look at me with eyes of regret. I would never want that on anyone; living with regret is no way to live at all. So the next time you feel as if you’re pressured to make a decision in your life as important as marriage or anything else of that caliber, take a step back and analyze. You’re worth more than that.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is another factor that determines your self-worth. It is composed of your values and beliefs along with past experiences that you’ve been through in life. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Your reflection tells a lot about you. If you see a happy, positive and ambitious person then chances are you’re going to see yourself in a bright light. On the other hand, if what you see is a mediocre, tired and unmotivated image then your self-esteem has taken a toll. My recommendation is that you take some time for yourself and reassess your current state. Learn what encourages you to become a better person so that you can set aside everything that holds you back.

Perspective

This is something that needs to change for your self-worth to go up. By now, you’ve probably heard a million quotes about attitude and how it all changes your outlook on life; that’s fine. It’s true. Perspective, however, is the way you see things regardless of how they really are. The classic example is the glass and whether or not it’s half-full or half-empty. When you assume a positive perspective, you’ll feel better about yourself. When you do, you’ll become a more productive person and, in turn, you’ll create a more productive environment around you.

In conclusion, you are priceless. Regardless of whether you’re rich or poor, tall or short, famous or not: you’re priceless. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.